Sunset

You told me that you like sunset better

but

before I even got to know you

I liked dawn better

where new lives began with new hopes and resolutions

but now

it seems the other way around

you change my perception

being locked up at home

with nowhere else to go

and nobody to turn to

slowly and gradually

I fell into the trap of wanting you more

yearning for you

every waking hour

it was exhaustive and insane

when I was almost cheated that day

the worst day in my life

I confessed my love to you

it took you one hour 

but your refuse 

came at me

so glaringly clear that

It broke my little heart

I felt like dying

you said that we are just friends

no more no less

so

it had been my own heart lying to me all along

thought that at least

at least

you felt something for me

but no

you didn't 

you never 

it's just your flirting skills

it's just you replying the messages of an annoying customer

politely

you never felt anything for me

not now

not ever

why am I still struggling now

why

委屈

Why am I living in this world
this life
this home
this family
Am I not your daughter?
Why did you treat me so?
Why did you scold me on a regular basis?
when I forgot to do chores
when I was busy with my own work
when I was sick
no. you did not see that
you just saw how I didn't help you
whereas I'm not the only one around
how about my brother
my sister
no. you did not see that.
you never saw that
you just used to scolding me
always use harsh words on me
always treat me unfairly
seems like I'm the only one around who can help
yes. I'm staying at home
but, it doesn't mean that I'm always free
I have double jobs to deal with
I'm always busy
no. you did not see that.
you just enjoy scolding me
you just like to scold me
you just want to scold me
that's it
I'm done
that's enough
I won't be helping around anymore
I've enough of it
that's it
为什么我要这么委屈

A bad feeling

It's been a year.
It seemed that I had forgotten my old companion here.
But, now I found you again, waiting for me patiently.
Nobody is as accountable as you.
Just when I dropped dead at the bottom of my grief.
I found you here, again.
What a consolation!
After all these years, still alone in this world.
Had I done something wrong to deserve this grief?
Or is it me?
A pathetic spoiled child.
Always ask for something that she couldn't have.
And I will lie here,
listen to sad music and pour my heart out.
Really,
I did not know what I'm saying here.
A mess it was.

well...rainy day...

we always have the unutterable feelings
deep in our souls
where we could not
and never will
confess to others
it seems an unholiest thing
if we ever voice them out
the feelings slowly died of premature birth
they became not ours to claim
and we could no longer reclaim those feelings
it becomes my underlying rule
to never reveal my truest soul
to even the closest one
please forgive me
for being such discreet creature

I dreamed of you again.

the light was cut suddenly
in a blink of an eye
I decided to crawl under the covers
to feel the coldness of the air
and the warmth of my bed
the rain tickled the roof
a slow story accompanied my dream
I slowly walked up to you
your hand touched mine
and you gave me the broadest smile ever
that I had never received
no sign
no obsession
not missing you
not anymore
but you appeared in my dream
again
and
again
like a constant reminder
my subconscious mind
became your forever paradise
and my heart
hosted the very thought of you

overload excitement

the sunlight
slowly crept up the surface
brought together the blue sky together
pieces by pieces
printed this image in my mind
along with the greenish paddy field
brought along by the wind
i could smell the heat
rode up and down
heart was warmed
by the small baby goat
by the friendly chestnut
really could not put a quote here
for what i felt today
being this close to the nature
the animals i love with my heart
on the horseback
i could feel my excitement boiling over the edge
looking at their eyes
liked they were telling me everything
i could do these all day long

Summer boy

so warm and calm
under the great sunlight
matching our heartbeats together
mixing our breaths along
every step you took with me
ringing in my heart was how I love you so