a truth that arrives late

we never lift up the veil
though it is weightless
though we know what is waiting for us
beyond the veil
the truth is never easy to be accepted
we tend to see more of white lies
and the veil remained untouched
say a word of white lie
you could never get the truth pass
but
when the dreams die
when the birds refuse to sing
again it is a new day
with a new found faith
and a new found adventure
and i know very well
you will never be mine...
it is as simple as that.

well...it's ending.

the rain kept on
on and on
like a slow song in a forgotten cafe
playing a story there...
alone under the little light
interchanged thoughts
mixed feelings
the story would continue
but the heart was flying away
to the land
faraway land

I love you.

This is not a safe world.
We are not promised with tomorrow.
We never know what happens in the next second.
We could be dying.
But, we do have hope.
Hope for a better night.
Just tug yourself in.
And sleep the dream in.
The morning light will greet us warmly.
Keep faith.
Never live it like a waste.
Cherish everything around you.
And I want to tell you.
I love you, with every heartbeat of mine.

I'll wait for you.

sometime
even words failed me
how could I ever express such feelings
complicated yet
I could not let it go
admit it to myself
I was just lonely
too lonely to even admit it to myself
I have a lot of love inside my heart
but I am still yearning for that other world
another story that does not even have a beginning
maybe I just need another ten years
another ten years to wait for that mystery
it is long
no doubt
like a long movie
that could not wait to be unwind
I was just hoping for that story to start
out of nowhere
my mind is shouting out loud
insanity overflown
topped the floor
maybe and just maybe
you are waiting for me all along

again...I miss you.

the raining

the singing

came at me with those unspeakable grieves 

well

at least

I would give myself

one night

to remember all and forget it all

in a single beat

it was me

who chose to leave first

who chose to leave you behind

who crumpled all those memories

and set fire to it

It was I 

all along

no damage was done by you

it was never your faults

I was just pretending to be the violated victim

so that my story would be more promising

so that I could forget you

easily

and that never come to me

even now

I was thinking about you

how pathetic 

after thoughts

The lights played a trick there
made me wanted to hold you up
in my memory
high up
so that I would never forget you
started to think of the impossibilities
started to pretend that I was the heroine
of another story
a lovely little one
that reminded me of the taste of rain
was I that desperate?
but, it seemed a story that began without even a writer
the characters were scattered in all possible ways
waited patiently for their turns to go onstage
all I would do
was striking the goals and hitting the bubbles
going all the way
intending for that one little wish
which included you and me
I was selfish
I knew

Sadness overload

We will never be complete again
Because we were broken once
Tears became inevitable
As memories came rushing back
We could never afford such wild ride
Flying down the memories' lane
It seemed lucky that we could still hold on although there were a thousand reasons
to keep us from fighting back
Why I keep holding on
to this miserable pathetic mess
that I made
I had long refused to listen
to my mind
heart may beat its way

a moment

The smell of hot chocolate cake penetrated my mind every now and then.

It was the same for ten years. Almost.

I grew up in this small little world created by my mother when she decided to move to a new memory.

“Honey, you shouldn’t be staring at the food only.”

Oh! That was my aunt.

She had decided to move in with us when we settled down here.

The paintings on the wall stared right back at me when I looked up at my aunt.

“It’s okay, Aunt Leda. I’m not hungry anyway.”

I pushed my hair back casually.

“Don’t tell me you’re dieting again.”

My mother voice came at me hard like a healthcare therapist.

“No, mom. I’m just don’t feel like eating.”

I pushed the plate out of my sight.

You know what they say.

‘Out of sight, out of mind’.

“Okay, I’m heading out.”

I picked up my books and bag while heading out.

“Honey, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Aunt Leda raised her eyebrow at me.

“Alright.”

I kissed them goodbye.

“I love you, Aunt Leda. Love you too, mom.”

I headed out of the cafe without looking back.

“Love you too.”

Their voices came like a flashback movie when I closed the door behind me.

Haze Is Still Here

heat rose up like a veil
agonizing its way through the clouds
zigzag lines left unspoken
ebbing away as we scrubbed it off, hard

it is here
still here without failing

scrawling and scribbling words
till we were out of breath
ill at hearts
leaned closer and you could see
lights went out

hear not a single wind
every breath is taken away from us
ringing in our minds
every day is this very word on our lips

well spent time with loaded memories

well
hard to say goodbye
indeed
two months
not long nor short
loaded with memories
and when I turned around
I knew
I left my heart there
with them
no matter how I will become
in the future
no matter what I will do
in the future
no one can take this away from me
the innermost feelings I have
and the slightly tingling feeling I experience
when they kindly smiled at me
when they brighten at me
I knew then
I have no regrets
I have chosen the best career ever
I wouldn't label it as "career"
because it is more than that
it is beyond that level
maybe you didn't realize
but
I'm touching souls every day
if you know what I mean

You will always be in my memory.

Eagerness and impatience mixed around when I could not place you
in your little spot of comfort.
I searched around
again
hoping that you would pop out and say
"Bazinga"
But, it was not to be done.
You was not in your usual spot.
You was not welcoming me with your tails
swinging back and forth
You was not there
when I came back home
How shocked I was
thinking that you only went away
but indeed
you chose to leave me at this miserable stage
I could not bear it
the thought of losing you
was unbearable
my mother's tears
echoed my grief
my father choked back a few words
but I could not bring myself to accept it
not now
not ever
I started to wonder
when was the last time I bathe you
when was the last time I walk you
when was the last time I hug you
when was the last time I kiss you
when was the last time I feed you
when was the last time I say goodbye to you
I miss you so very much
my dearest friend
my beloved doudou
I miss you
Where are you?

Silence would not help.

The fan kept a noisy beat
The instrument won't stop singing
Together
They protested against the inner thoughts
The reality hit me hard and cold
Blaming me that I should have known this
long time ago
But it was not how the writer turned the page
The story would never go like a fairytale
Nor go the way I wanted it
Because it was not my book
It's a book with every single life
Twister together
In a pathetic yet inseparable way
We wanted to fly
But the net protected us so
Until we forgot how it was meant to be
In the first place

Let's hope
For a better tomorrow.

some glimpses into you

the light

crept up the path

painted them the colour

greenish gold

just the way 

I wanted them to be

some sounds from afar

but yet they sounded

so near

the babbling of thoughts

hung low in my mind

mixed around with the 

smell

occasionally 

when I should be concentrating 

yet

here I was

picturing you

giving it your best shot

sweating all the way

not a regret 

passes through your mind

you said

mind over body

to not feel and feel it

at the same time

but I wish you all the best

the same

and your words

became the spotlight 

of the day

I hope you know

really

懂了

也许
我不该让自己陷入无底的潭
像是不允许自己有任何逃出的空间
难觅
空气
不足

空间
不应该是你给的
也不应该是
偷偷思你的空档
犯下了不该的应该
我该明白了

太多的拼图
小小的连接
一一搭建
当我狠心翻下那泪湿的一天
不懂的我
也该看得彻底

是时候
也该是时候了

a cute boy

I was in a rush
she was sick
and i was worried
to get away
fast
he passed by
i barely noticed
pushing the trolley down the path
saying
I could finally understand the concept of overload
that was funny
i looked up
just in time
to see his face from behind
he was cute
and indeed
the trolley was fulled with things
i met him again
checked and paid
he was laughing with his family
playing pranks on each other
the black spectacles shined
above his smile
his face stick around
and when i turned around
he was already out of the page
and when i met him again
i thought wrong
both faces could not match
are they the same?
no idea

The bakery

The Sun did a great job.
She held up her hand.
The sunlight escaped through her hand.
It burnt. Hot.
She hid herself under the small umbrella.
It was near. She could smell the sweet taste of bread.
Breadking.
She always wondered.
Why on earth that bakery was called as "Breadking"?
Why not "Breadqueen"?
Okay, no need to be hard on herself.
She always ended arguments in such manner.
She walked this way.
He walked the other way.
They met right in the middle of the path.
Breadking.
But, she did not notice him.
She chose some bread.
He lined up in front of her.
Checked. Paid.
She took up her bread.
He was already out of the shop.
They walked their separate paths.
It ended.
Had it?

How to write this book? Maybe, just maybe, you could tell me?

Companion is not wanting

it is abundant

but 

why so stubborn?

why compare each and every piece of it

to the old memories 

that you could recall no more

not even the lines

not even the smells

were same

but you refuse

you step out of it

you let it drop dead

because you see no way out

you can only

see him

the one who could not care less about you

the one who could not remember you

the one who could not care more about you

you really should

stop comparing

but stick with yourself

calm down

burn the old memories

and the one meant for you

is there

waiting for you to see

I love you, my dears

okay

hello first 

a salutation for you

for your loyalty 

and for our friendship 

for keeping you waiting for so long

as if my presence would be a shame 

but i was busy

with smiles, tears and hugs

I could cry my heart out now

because 

I had turned over new pages

I had written unforgettable lines

I had made incredible new friends 

I had realized different ways to lead my life

and I 

hold no regrets now

even grudges seemed wanting

and I can sincerely 

truly

give a confession from the heart

from the soul

I love you, my dears 

思念，不假，不换，不归。

空气中
满是夏日温暖的气息
载着
我对你
满满的思念
但
它绝不是冷冰冰的感情
而是
我对你
温暖的
真挚的
思念
愿你一切都美好
愿太阳总是为你绽放笑容
愿微风带去我的思念
吻在你的脸颊上
让你永远幸福快乐

I fall for you again.

That smile

That look

in my memories

made me fall in love with you

over and over again

a cycle with no breaks

a cycle with no doors 

a cycle with not you but me

and I closed myself in

in this deep

deep ocean

the tides drew me in

the tides pushed me out

like I was some weird thing

a disease to be put down

hoped that it could end like a cookie

flashed out

cleared out

threw into the dustbin

and never to be found

but it clung to me

and I could feel my skin

waiting to burn through those walls

to burn straight out

to emerge

into a butterfly

only to fly too close

live too short

Reality was not long, just way too short...

I was lost
in a daydream kind of reality
when my feelings can never
ever
pass through those walls
built by myself
what more could be done
and what more could not be done
in one word
gone
it was a simple truth
when you could not express
those inexpressible lines
when you could not love
those unforgettable ones
when your mind wandered around
without the fog
you still got lost
in the drowsiness you created
just in time to catch you
before you fall
and secure you
right in the middle depth of
reality

headstand...

when i did that
for the first time in my life
i realized
the world seemed so small
upside down world
and the rain kept tricking
but the music would not back down
i knew that
they drown not the thoughts in my head
but helped me cleared the mist
my mind seemed blur and clear at the same time
it seemed good
although the blood rushed into my head
in such a gush
that i thought the rest of my body was drained
fainting
but i would not back down
just like any other would
tackled it
beat it
until it
hit the same beat with my soul