Frienemy

It was not with the ending that I was looking for
nor was it the reward that I was expecting        

I tried to comfort myself in that way
Hoping that my dream will finally shine on me
No more without any confidence
But wear it as though it is my armor
In facing the world
In facing the haters and cheaters
Wrote it all in my book
Lessons to be learned

The mind could never win over the heart.

What to do if i miss you so much?

forever a question in my heart

I've always thought that

the heart is always so much slower than the mind

the mind will register the pain

much more faster than the heart could ever do

it's always like this

we never acknowledged what the mind told us

until it hit a bump

and broke our hearts

but the first thing that came to mind

before any circumstances could do any harm

was to stay away as far from the pain as possible

but our hearts never acknowledged it

until it was too late to stay away

because we were drowning

under the misjudgment of our hearts

and the slowness of their reflex responses

in a dangerous position

until we can no longer

dragged our body out

because our hearts weighed us down

down to the ground

and into the very center of the Earth

until we were no longer breathing 

Fear Not, My Dear

It was not the bit that I was picturing
nor was it the big picture that I was painting
I still was searching my way
through the clouds and confusion and desperation
and every now and then
I need to remind myself
of all the things that I was holding to
since ever
and remind myself of who I am
really
deep in my heart
never to lose my way
in the jungle that I was treading
and never to lose that cheerful smile
on my face
even if my legs hurt for every step I took
and who knew where they shall take me
but I worried not
my heart will guide me truly
to the place I was meant to be
and bring back the answers to me

I miss you.

had a movie marathon the other day
talking about love love love love and still was love
did it change me
or somehow had an impact on me
i thought they did
it somehow changed the way i'm thinking now
is it really hard for us to find somebody destined for us
or are we meant to be alone throughout our whole life
i really do not know
watching all those romantic movies and reading all those books
did not at all make me a love expert
and i was lost and confused
and i miss him
i always ask this question
what should i do if i miss you so much everyday
i really do not know
a single bit of it
all i'm doing in the meantime is just to stuff my mind and my body
with all activities and stress and works
so that i will stop thinking about you
but it did not work
as soon as i stopped
it started over again
its like a vicious cycle
sometime i got so desperate
that i did not recognize myself
but all i need to remember now is
i have my own life
i need to live it the way i want
and no amount of those pathetic sadness can stop me

真正的自己

看起来简单的，
其实并非如此。
我们被带到这个世界上
有怎么样的使命
有怎么样的人生
该绘出怎么样的人生
都不凡
可是，
我想做的
我想成为的人
是真正的自己
一个
有泪有笑
的自己
不被俗事
卖掉了
真正的自己
有悔恨
有无奈
但是我希望
我不会遗忘了
真正的自己